Today

Today I had a rough day. I was cranky, I was vocal, I overshared my feelings. I was tired. Mentally drained.

I got home, and I saw my dog looking at me in anticipation. And he was fucking adorable. He melted away the tension that had built up inside me throughout the day. 

I put on my running shoes and we went out into the night. The air was cool enough for me to wear my favourite sweat pants. I had my music in my ears, and no one around. Just the way I like it. I walked a while and then a song came on that had a good beat and I started jogging. 

Some days I go out and I hate every second of it. I am just trying to hurry it up so I can get back home faster. My body is tired, and my mind grabs hold of me and makes it harder to endure the running part of it. But I try to remember a quote I read somewhere, which was basically that your mind gives up before your body does. It will trick you into giving up before you even get started. And my mind is particularly seasoned at being self-destructive, so maybe it would be a good thing if I listened to it a little less. So I press on, and I finish the walk/jog adventure, and at least I got out and did it. And got over half of my step goal before I’ve even gone to bed. 

And then there are the good days, days like today, where I zone out and am able to really connect emotionally to a song, but also to what I am doing. I am bettering myself. My legs are strong; they have carried me through my life up until this very day. They carry me across the ground, beating down on the pavement, always pushing forward. And I feel strong. And I feel proud. 

Today I was emotionally weak, but I was physically strong. I should not be focusing so much energy on the wrong things. Things I cannot change, even though they don’t make any sense to me and I wish I could try another way because that would be a step in the right direction. Even though the way things are isn’t always good. If I cannot change them myself, I should steer clear of those types of thoughts, because then I am just spewing negativity. 

My life could be much harder. I have a friend who lost his mother not long ago. I listened to him talking about it tonight and I cannot imagine what that would even be like. How hard it would be to go through. But he persevered, and he radiates positive energy pretty much all of the time, and that’s something I really admire about him, is his ability to put the bad stuff aside for a while. I might’ve been a bitch because I had a bad day, but that’s nothing compared to what other people experience every day. And I should be more grateful for my blessings.

Today I was mentally weak but I was physically strong. I am going to strive to be stronger at both. 

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